Sometimes the little wins mean the most.....
There are some days that all run together for me, days when I'm doing the best I can just to get from one moment to the next. Those days are far less then they used to be, but they are still there. I had the most incredible time ever at a Twenty One Pilots concert the first week of November! It's the fist outing like that I've been able to do in years because of my immune system since Lyme disease. And I had the time of my life!
I sang till I lost my voice, I danced, I laughed and I felt the power, energy and magic of every single moment! Most importantly, I was present! I wasn't thinking about being sick, or the risks or the after affects. I was only in the moment. But it took me about a half hour into the show to get there. I was battling so much anxiety when we first arrived. It was so many people, and I'm used to the stage and crowds but it's been a while. All I could think about was how many of the people around me were sick and what if this one night set me back months or more. But once the music started I got wrapped up in the music (as I always do) and just lived each moment. And it was the BEST!!!!
Did I have consequences from that amazing night out? Yes, I did. I've battled physically since that night off and on. But each battle I win a little faster. Each lesson I learn a little easier. Each day gets better even with the struggles because I don't live in the past, I don't live in the future. I can't change the past and I can't see the future. What I have is today, right now! So I will do all that I can do today. I will smile, I will help who I can, I will turn on a song and dance like an idiot no matter how tired I am. Because that is what I can do today. I will never forget being so sick and in so much pain that I had to crawl to the bathroom and couldn't even make it back to bed. I remember sleeping on the bathroom floor because there was just no strength or energy left to leave it. Those memories remind me that today is a gift, every day is a gift and one that I am choosing to open and live. On the way home from the Twenty One Pilots show I was wiped out, just exhausted but all I could think about was how far I had come. Celebrate all your victories, even the smallest ones. Those small wins turn into big wins later !
It takes me a little longer to get stuff done but I don't quit and that is what is most important. So heading towards my favorite holiday of the year CHRISTMAS and the end of 2019, I would like to encourage us all to be as kind and forgiving as we can with ourselves and with those around us. Especially those we don't feel really deserve it, most times they need it more than we will ever know. And be so thankful for anything you can possible find to be thankful for. Being thankful will change your whole life! The energy you put out in life truly does come back to you. So no matter your struggle, just remember not to focus on things you can't control, instead think of what good you can do right now and do it! Then hang in there! Don't ever quit! You are amazing and you can do this, you can get through this! You are never alone and you are loved and cared about more than you realize. I hope everyone had an amazing Thanksgiving!
Be honest, Be real, Be you Bobbie De Leon
(Phots from Twenty One Pilots show) crappy phone quality